My Journey with Fashion and Heart Health: Embracing Style After a Transplant

Discovering My Personal Style in Melbourne

In October 2017, I visited Melbourne for Oktoberfest. It was a fun trip, but upon returning home to Mildura, I started feeling unwell. After a few days, I saw my GP. He diagnosed me with a chest infection and advised rest. Little did I know, my condition was much more severe than that. One night, I couldn’t move. My mum had to carry me to the car to get to Mildura Base Hospital. From there, I was immediately flown by helicopter to The Alfred Hospital. Doctors later told me that if I hadn’t been admitted, I wouldn’t have woken up.

My life then revolved around a VAD (Ventricular Assist Device) as I awaited a heart transplant. This device was a significant challenge. I couldn’t wear many of the clothes I loved. Baggy skirts, elegant silk skirts, and my cherished leather pants with a cute long-sleeve top were all off-limits. The VAD cord was always visible, and everything had to go over it for my outfits to work. This severely limited my choices.

The Struggle to Express Myself

I remember one occasion vividly. I was getting ready for a friend's birthday. I had the perfect outfit in mind—an elegant silk dress that made me feel confident and stylish. But because of the VAD, I couldn’t wear it. It wasn’t just about the dress; it was the feeling of being restricted in my fashion choices while everyone else could wear beautiful silk skirts and dresses. I felt left out, unable to express myself through my clothing as I wanted to.

During the summer, I wore shorts the entire season. Many skirts were either too baggy or too long to work with the VAD. I love having diverse fashion options, especially in warmer months. It was tough knowing I couldn’t fully explore the styles I desired.

Adapting to Limitations

Beyond bottoms, certain tops also became a challenge. Fitted or cropped tops were difficult to wear since the VAD cord always had to be covered. Instead of experimenting with different silhouettes, I often had to choose looser options—not because they suited my personal style, but simply because they were the only practical choice.

The Joy of Freedom After the Transplant

Getting the transplant felt like finally reclaiming myself. Leather skirts, fitted tops, and all the outfits I couldn’t wear before were suddenly an option. It was amazing to fully embrace my style without restrictions.

But before that, life with the VAD was incredibly draining. On days I didn’t feel like dressing up, a bit of makeup sometimes helped, though I couldn’t style my hair. Often, it felt pointless; I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Simple things like showering became a whole ordeal, having to meticulously wrap the VAD cord. This made me dread going out. The sheer effort of it all led to me canceling plans frequently. I saw my friends less and less.

It wasn’t just about going out; it was the constant exhaustion of managing spare batteries, avoiding rain, and shielding my VAD with an umbrella. My daily life revolved around managing the device, not truly living.

The Impact of Social Media

Social media amplified these feelings. Seeing women perfectly styled, with their hair and makeup done, made me feel like I was missing out. It was hard not to compare myself when I couldn’t even style myself the way I wanted. Missing out on friends’ outings was particularly tough. There were places I genuinely wanted to go, experiences I longed for, but often had to forgo. It wasn’t just about the event itself; it was the profound feeling of being left behind while everyone else enjoyed life freely.

As a result, I plunged into a deep depression. Motivation for work and styling vanished. I felt terrible about myself, making it impossible to create content or put together outfits for posts. Fashion had always been my hobby and a vital form of self-expression, so feeling disconnected from it only deepened my despair. I felt utterly helpless. There were moments when the darkness was so overwhelming that I had thoughts of ending it all—impulses to cut the VAD cord or even jump into a pool or lake.

A New Beginning

The call for a heart transplant was an immense relief. After months of struggling with the VAD, it felt like everything was about to change. Now, I can work full-time, spend time with my friends, and get back to regular workouts. I can finally go for walks with my dog again, enjoying a freedom I missed for so long. My mental health has significantly improved, as I finally feel like I can live a regular life again.

I’ve learned that fashion is more than just clothing; it’s a way to express who we are. I want to empower others to discover their personal style and feel confident. This journey has shown me the importance of resilience and self-acceptance. I hope to inspire others to embrace their unique stories, no matter the challenges they face.

Let’s celebrate our individuality and the power of fashion to uplift us. After all, it’s not just about what we wear; it’s about how we feel in our skin.

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